Starting Over Pt 1

It's scary to feel like your life is starting over at 45. At least for me it is. I've gotten so used to the routine of my life-my 14 year relationship, my job, my friends, my disease Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. Now, the disease part was a wrench thrown into my life 8 years ago but that's for another post. The cause of this sudden change is that my 14 year relationship ended 6 months ago. You can say it was abrupt and came out of the blue, I have to be honest that I had a gut feeling a couple of months prior that something was wrong and it was serious. I saw him change in front of my eyes in just a matter of months. It was as if a switch went off and he was a different person. I tried to talk to him to find out what was wrong but even he wasn't ready to face it or admit it to me. It took 2 months for him to finally have the courage to voice that he was unhappy and he was leaving me. I guess since I did have somewhat of a head's up, I had to accept it. I didn't fight it, scream, or beg and plead him to stay. I told that I hope he finds himself and the happiness that he's looking for. He did say that he was surprised that I was taking it as well as I was. Of course, I was crying and heartbroken in front of him but that was the last time he saw me that vulnerable.

He never gave me any explanation to what caused him to come to this decision. He never told me where he was going to. He just said he was leaving and that was it. I never once asked him where he was moving to or what his plans were.  I figured if he doesn't want to tell me, I'm not going to ask. It's probably best that I don't know. It took him 2 weeks to officially leave after he confronted me and it was one of the darkest periods of my life. I was living with a roommate not my lover, friend, or confidant.  A complete stranger.  He had disconnected himself from me emotionally and physically. He was not the man I fell in love with. He was cold and distant. I believe he did this in order to make it easier for him to leave. The morning he left was like I was saying bye to an acquaintance. He did manage to put his arms around my shoulders like a half ass stiff hug. All I said was have a nice trip and he said thank you. Those were the last words we spoke to each other.